1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

6. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

7. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

8. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?